How To End the Power Struggle Getting My Child Dressed

There are certain common friction points between kids and parents: getting up, getting dressed, getting out the door, meal times, bedtimes… geez, listing it out, it seems like there are A LOT of potential sources for frustration. Today I’m going to focus on a little example of how to gracefully manage just one of these, and that’s getting your child dressed in the morning. Mind you, this is a suggestion for early to late school age kids, not your babies or toddlers. But if you’re having difficulty with your wee one, drop me a line and we can talk.

We’re changing seasons here in the Northeast U.S. and that means an awful lot of children being forced to some times bundle up, or some times not. It’s confusing enough for adults to figure out the “how many layers or none at all?” question, particularly given that the weather has been strangely mild but with sudden dips in temperature. Unsurprisingly, children balk at being made to pile on clothes when bare legs and unencased wiggly toes can be more comfortable.  So what to do when you know they’ll be cold outside and your darling child decides to dress for Miami weather?

Well, a dad I’m working with came up with an elegant solution for his daughter and wife’s daily power struggle over getting dressed. The mom had been fighting daily with the daughter about putting pants on, usually ending in tears and aggravation. The child would go outside but the mom would end up pulling pants on her outside on the sidewalk, which was not ideal. And the upset it caused was not a great way to launch anyone on their day. 

So how to find a win-win solution? The dad proposed setting up a thermometer outside, and creating a routine whereby the daughter would check the temperature upon waking. Ahead of time, the family would set up a chart with pictures of appropriate outdoor clothing for each band of temperature. So 60 degrees would mean pants with a sweater and light coat, 70 degrees would mean a dress was ok. I love this idea because it sets limits, by providing expectations and guidance from the parents, while also having the child take control by checking the weather. Now it’s the child’s responsibility to consult the chart to see what to wear. Mom and dad are respecting their daughter’s agency while guiding her to make good decisions. 

Have you tried this out? Have your own win-win solutions for getting your child dressed? Let me know!